Food, Family, Friends, and Football!

I do believe that we have all finally lost it.  Thanksgiving morning started with rise and shine at 4:30 AM.  Well, rise…not to sure about the shine part.  Libby and I meet outside to venture to Magoo’s to get the turkey out of his fridge.  We could not fit another thing in ours… or hers.  So 27 pound Tom begins his fate.  Lani gets up at 6 and starts the Bloody Mary’s.  At 8 AM I am talking to the refrigerator.  No…cussing at the refrigerator.  The damn door alarm kept sounding because the doors had been left open too long.  Libby is laughing at me while she is carrying on a complete conversation with her lap top.  (For those who don’t know …Lib is a travel agent and everyone was bothering her on Thanksgiving morning).  At 8:30, Bill has his first beer.  I think it had something to do with being ordered out of the kitchen and a restraining order to stay at least 15 feet away from us at all times.  Then to really get Bill going, the girls decided we would hide his coffee cup.  Don’t be fooled.  There wasn’t coffee in the coffee cup.  At 10 Am  Butterball Tom was ready.  At 11, family and friends arrived.  At 11:30 the Texans started.  By 3 we were all jumping up and down with the second big overtime victory in four days.  It was a wonderful day.  Full of football games, on TV and outside, pecan picking, golf cart riding, and guitar playing. 

Then there is the after Thanksgiving fun.  Hitting the grocery store for regular food and diet pills.  Word of advice,  don’t go shopping until you are sure all the kids are back in school.  I feel that it is OK to discipline kids.  I feel it is OK to “water-board” brats!  Better yet…let them grow up like we did.  Not with these wussy parents they have now but with Magoo!  I would have rather been water-boarded.  One look from him would send those kids to their room screaming for cover.  I mean, I heard a kid say “no” to his mother.  And the mom just looks at him and says something like “don’t say that”.  WHAT….a “no” would have gotten me in a coma for days.  I really believe if I had the balls to say no to Magoo today…I would be emergency room bound.  What happened to the parental guts?  I would definitely rank some of these kids right up there with Hitler, Son of Sam, and Manson.  And what’s the deal about thinking it’s alright to get a girl pregnant right after you toss your diapers?  I can’t imagine, boy or girl, being a parent at 15 or 16.  Greg Gutfeld of Fox Network’s “Red Eye” and one of the host of “The Five” says “children are just tiny criminals”!  I think he’s on to something.  Now we can’t even turn them into “Twinkies Kids”.  It was fun to make them fat and harmless.  That way they couldn’t out run you or Grandma when you were coming after them with a switch in your hand!

Our buckskin horse Poco, has a new girlfriend.  The jenny in the back field is his new flame.  They meet at the fence and hug.  He licks her ears.  She makes her noises and all is good.  I can honestly say that he has found him a “piece of ass”…jackass that is.  They are so cute together.  The other horse, Bud, just looks at Poco like he has lost his mind.  Probably telling him that she is just “fun size”.

Ever thought about funny little sayings.  Like….”how did you get yourself in such a pickle”?  Or “dumb as a door knob”, “not the sharpest knife in the drawer”,  “not the brightest crayon in the box”, “she eats like a bird”.  Well, I was thinking…how would you get yourself in a pickle.  Look kinda funny in a pickle costume.  How would you know which one was the dullest knife…try them all?  What if the box only contained black, gray, white, and brown?  Which would be the brightest?  Eat like a bird….birds eat constantly…what an insult!  Now if someone says “he’s hung like a bull”, I expect an e-mail with detailed pics. 

I saw a commercial on TV.  The Charmin ad where the 3 bears are the stars.  Momma bear is doing laundry and finds “skid marks” in baby bears briefs.  Papa bear is playing X-box in the den.  The point is, why do laundry if they all are running around naked.  The bears are bare!  None of them have clothes on but yet poor momma is washing clothes.  I mean how do you know baby bear didn’t wipe good if he’s not wearing briefs.  Just one of those things like the tampon ads that drive me nuts!

Will be putting Christmas decorations up this week.  Already got the tree out and as Libby puts it, “fluffed it up”.  I decided to be extra careful this year on what goes out.  Two reasons.  Having to put everything back up is a pain in the ass!  And I need to keep Bill off the ladder.  Thank goodness it’s cooler and the ceiling fans will remain off.  Now, if they would just invent rubber concrete.  Magoo has decided he doesn’t want his Christmas stuff up just yet.  Can’t figure out why.  Either he is planing on leaving us before Santa gets here or he’s afraid he’ll trip over everything.  We have given up on his “life” time table.  Whatever batteries he’s equipped with are still putting out energy.  Barely, but tiny sparks still keep him going.



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