Santa, Elves, and Wine!

Windy, chilly, and damp.  Finally getting some “holiday” weather.  I mean, Christmas isn’t Christmas unless there is at least a hint of winter weather.  Right?  I think Santa Claus thought so last night when the northerner blew in.  Fulshear winds were gaged at 35 MPH.  Our 4′ light -up porch Santa was no where to be found this morning.  At 5 AM I turned on the outdoor Christmas lights just to find his red ass.  Cleverly….I followed the extention cord to the front bushes.  There he was upside down, looking like a pot head ( in other words his head was in a potted plant and his feet straight up in the air).  Rough night St. Nick? 

The kids all came over for our traditional night of watching the movie “Christmas Vacation”.  Lani baked cookies and this year I ordered everyone a “Griswold’s Christmas Vacation” shirt to wear.  The kids think I have totally gone off the deep end but that’s OK.  When I’m long gone they will think back on how humorous I was each Christmas.  One year t-shirts, one year matching this or matching that.  And they will wish I were still around to surprise them every year with something different or stupid.   Well, maybe not.  But hopefully they will be talking about it with fond memories and laugh on how much fun we had.   Maybe next year Griswold boxer shorts!

Magoo had to go to the dentist again.  He had been complaining for a few days so I gave in.  $645.00 later…I drag his unhappy butt home.  There has to be a better way to handle old peoples teeth.  Dr.K and his crew are so good with him but he takes it out on whoever is stuck taking him on the way there and back.  Anyway, on the way home I get no conversation.  I try to make a couple of funny comments about his mouth looking like a drooping bloodhounds but to no avail.  He was having no part of that.  Then I tried to turn on Christmas music and get him to enjoy “Jingle Bell Rock”…..turn that down….it’s too loud.  Hell, I like “Jingle Bell Rock”.  It’s one of my favorites.  So I started singing it without the radio.  Then I get the look from a “Tales of the Crypt” character and told I can’t sing.  So, I hummed “Jingle Bell Rock”.  The man actually put his hands over his ears!  I laughed so hard. A friend of mine, Ronny,  who is in my breakfast club said “karma is only a bitch if you are”!   Boy, is Magoo in for a major encounter with karma.  And I hope it’s singing “Jingle Bell Rock”…off key!

Tackling the treadmill again.  Always a fun activity when you’ve gotten so fat that even your stored away “fat clothes” don’t fit.  The bag of clothes that are stuck way back in the closet and are labeled  “only use in case of emergency”.  The bag that you swore you would never see again.  The BS bag.  (Before Steroids).  OMG!  Have you ever had a treadmill tell you to get off and add more oil.  Then a light comes on and tells the world your weight.  The little “treadmill gnome”  had better watch it.  I’m really close to doing something abusive with it’s circuits. 

Lani walked into the den and told me that it looked like the Christmas Elf threw up in the house.  She has always teased me about all the crap I put out for the Christmas holidays.  I can’t help it.  It’s not Christmas if you can walk safely threw the den.  In fact, navigating with a wine helps.  I have discovered “box wine”.  The big box contains 37 glasses of wine.  Has a tap, how convenient, and saves money and shopping time.  Of course it’s not your “14 Hands” or a Frances Coppola, but it serves it’s purpose…cheap and it’s not half bad.  Perfect for finding your way through the decorations, Santa’s, presents, tree and sleeping dogs, without using your Garmin. 

Bill and I were invited to a Children’s Cancer Fundraiser at the beautiful home of Tilman Fertitta.  It was so gracious of them to open their house to all of us for the evening.  Lots of money was raised for MD Anderson’s Children’s Cancer Research.  Kids are such incredible little troopers.  God bless them.  And Lani and I went to see the Santaland Diaries at the Alley Theater.  If you have not seen it…it is a hoot.  Very funny and adult rated.  It is about a disgruntled Macy’s Santa’s elf.  Everyone and everything are made fun of.  A classic!

Stay warm my friends.  Hugs!



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