It Has To Be Mentioned!

It’s not something to bring up in a normal conversation.  But, then again, I’m not normal.  But does anyone else have difficulty in wiping their ass?  No, literally.  As you get older the body is not as agile as when we were younger, especially the talent of toilet sitting.  Waking up with aches and pains are “the pits” but aches and pains during potty duty are a real pain in the butt.  It’s an art in itself.  Arthritis in the back, hands, arms, legs and feet become a wiping nightmare.  As a woman, we were taught as a young girl that women wipe the who-who toward the front and the rectum toward the back.  The reason obvious…keep out infection in the birthing orifice.  I am amused at the sounds that come from the bathroom while one is cleaning up.  Need to have a book of pooping etiquette.  Bill had me in stitches.  Actually his thumb was in stitches at this particular incident.  Try wiping with a bandaged thumb.  He’s right handed…so I guess it would depend on which hand you normally use as to how successful you are.  Sorry Bill…I love you to death but you’ll just have to use your left hand and hope for the best.  I am not wiping your ass.  Then, one time last week my sciatic nerve was giving me fits.  Pooping was even a pain… not to mention the wiping part.  I can say I know the true meaning of having a “potty mouth”.  Your only relief is cussing!  And do you notice the amount of toilet paper you are now using?  Need to buy stock in Scot

We are getting things pretty much back to normal around here.  Dusty sold his house in Katy and has moved in to Magoo’s old house.  We have taken so much stuff to Good Will that we could have opened our own resale shop and made a fortune.  I loved my daughter-in-law Michele so much but she was a “pack rat” and the crap she had was amazing.  We have had a real inkling to move further out…maybe La Grange or Somerville area.  Great time to sell with bank rates so low for buyers.  And we have had so many people ask about our house.  Since we don’t owe anything it would be a handsome sum for the rest of our retirement.  Fulshear is really growing and the traffic is getting just like Katy.  BAD!

I see foot surgery in my future!  Made an appointment with my wonderful podiatrist, Dr. Robert Parker.  He removed my bone spurs on my left foot several years ago and will now be doing the right one. If you have ever had bone spurs you know what I’m talking about…if you haven’t they hurt like the devil and make for very uncomfortable walking.  I can’t wait for this surgery.  Almost as good as getting my ileostomy bag “Izzie” removed.  A day that will live in infamy.  Running around the swim pools all my life barefooted have difinity taken it’s toll on the feet.  I know my body is saying “la-la-land” again?  I really hope I don’t say too much when I’m coming out of that crap.  I’ll have Dr. Parker take notes so I can put it in my blog. 

Lani arrives tomorrow.  I am so excited.  We have a lot to catch up on.  She called me this morning to tell me that when TJ (Mr. Wonderful, Lani’s other half who is a golf pro) arrived at work this morning they found a dead man on the 4TH hole of the golf course.  Shot gun wound to the chest.  So he has been taking the police back and forth to the 4Th hole,  in the golf cart.  Talk about a “shotgun” start!  A hole in one (someone that is), someone got teed off,  or right down the middle shot.  I know ..not amusing.  Anyway, waiting to hear all the details.  Should be a doozy!

Was supposed to have a book signing at the Methodist Church in Brookshire this past Saturday but Houston had the torrential down pour and that would not have been profitable for my book.  No one wants a wet book.  I truly am grateful for the invitation to come but it did not work out.  I hope the church made money on the BBQ part of their fundraiser.  My daughter-in-law Jennifer went with me to help me set up but we had to turn around and find shelter..which we did at a bar in Katy.  Had delicious Mexican food and a few beers.  Didn’t even know it was raining…or care!  Thanks Jen!

Love and peace to you all.
Ride,Baby,Ride!
Leilani

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