Just Frog It

Back to back doctor appointments.  The “Bev” and Dr. Parker (foot doctor extraordinaire).  I guess when doctors order exam tables for their offices they either say with or without stirrups.  Good thing I didn’t have a third appointment for the day at the dentist…”open wide” might have caused quite an uproar. 

Weighing in at the Bev’s was very traumatic.  I told the nurse that the damn cast must weigh 20 pounds, the jewelry about 5 pounds, clothing about 5 pounds, and purse, shoes, etc. about 10 pounds…so I’m really weigh in at a sleek 130.  I don’t think she bought it.  As I am told to disrobe and get into the who-who position, I’m thinking to myself that they better have stirrups as big as the ones on my saddle.  And even that is questionable.  So the Bev comes in and we are all on the floor laughing.  My cast will not fit in the stirrup.  So of course, you are not a member of MD Anderson’s physician staff, professor (and so on with his credentials), unless you have a solution to just about everything.  Dr. Bevers said ” Let’s frog it!”  Frog it…a Bevers term for describing the position that a frog would take on it’s back to either be dissected or play dead.  So stirrup-less, with legs up on the table attempting to keep my casted foot from not slipping off while having both a rectal and pelvic exam, and trying not to roll off the table sideways, I am praying that this never gets on a YouTube video.  I felt like an Indian squaw, in the middle of the forest, giving birth to her papoose, in squat/frog position, with a cast!  One of those experiences that you hope is once in a lifetime.

Next stop was Dr. Parker’s to get the laser treatment for my foot.  Dr. Parker has many things for sale in his office.  Lotions, creams, gels, special shoes, and nail polish.  All products to help protect one’s feet.  I need to get with him about developing a clothes line for the “cast impaired”.  I find myself going through my closet trying to find a pair of pants that fits over the cast.  Anything with a giant leg.  I feel like I am wardrobe deprived.  My mother, who was a model for Sakowitz,  is probably cringing from the spirit world at what I have put on my body.   Thank goodness the legs of your underwear stretch to the appropriate size.  I am stuck wearing either my black or white capris or shorts.  Which I think not.  My legs are so white, not to mention the right one is so hairy, I would be scared that I might give someone a heart attack from the shock.  Dr. Parker could come up with a cute pant, in all colors, that zip down the leg so that one could just position yourself on the bed and zipper yourself up with ease.

Dr. Parker gave me a book called “Wheat Belly Cookbook”.  If you haven’t heard about the wheat diet, it is a diet to eliminate the wheat from your meals.  Lose the wheat…lose the weight.  Great recipes and something to seriously think about.  Wheat is not the wheat that grandma used to eat.   Lots of added stuff and no protein like the good old days.  Interesting read.  And speaking of diets.  The ovarian cancer “good foods” list consist of tomatoes, carrots, endive, red onion, green peppers and salmon.  Fish oil, Vitamin E, and turmeric.  No wheat!    Basically, eat your veggies and limit red meat, exercise (unless you are in a damn cast), and be good to yourself.

Great news on my blood work.  CA 125 came back a 4.8.  Same as last one taken at MD Anderson 6 months ago.  I have a pet-scan on Wednesday to make sure all is well.  Two more laser treatments for the foot and I get my port cleaned.  So busy week.  The hard part is orchestrating appointments with showing the house.  But God has His way of helping you dodge the bullets.  He seems to keep me calm and keeps me from getting in the ” OMG what next?” mode.

Hug a frog. 


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