Life In The Fast Lane

Like last week…whatever the speed limit for life is …I’m going way too fast.  It’s not like keeping up with the Jones’.  It’s like trying to keep up with yourself and doing it on one leg. 

Selling the property has taken priority over just about everything.  And I have a feeling we haven’t even hit full stride.  We have found a beautiful piece of land in the Navasota area.  The first property we looked at was bought out from under us before we even got home to make a bid.  So the cute little dog that we discovered will have to live without us.  But after a few more weeks of searching we landed on a partially wooded lot of 7 1/2 acres.  It reminds me so much of girl scout camp as a kid.  Nature trails, nice house, sheds, and plenty of room to expand.  Dusty wants to build a log cabin on it.  And this time my sign from the heavens was a road runner.  I kept thinking I was going to hear a “beep beep” and the coyote running after him.  And like my neighbor said …the Acme anvil falling from the sky.  Shows you what impressed me as a child.

Bill and Dusty have been kept busy with all the chores I have listed for them.  I get “the look”  from them constantly but nagging is the only way I know to get things done around here in due time.  I can’t be in my usual “on their ass” mode because I lack “a hopper” and can’t move too fast.  I start talking and they scatter like roaches when you turn on a flashlight in a dark room.  Bill has managed to break a glass candle holder, fall off the step ladder on my good foot, break the pressure washer, and drive me nuts all in a three day period.  Dusty has managed to piss me off as only a youngest kid in the batch can do by not keeping his adobe clean, keeping Chico and Rufus clean, eating us out of house and home, and keeping his front porch free of “man cave” items.  And when do boys quit eating like there is no tomorrow?

Saw Dr. Parker today.  I had the pleasure of sharing my mishap stories with him.  So I started with the “cast condom” story.  You know the thing that you stick your foot in so your cast doesn’t get wet.  Appropriately named the “cast condom”.  It takes about about 15 minutes to get the damn thing on….as time goes on you get quicker at it.  The first time I got it on and had forgot to take my pants off.  So I had to start over.  The technique is to get naked…get on the bed…on your back…and start the process of getting the condom on.  Second thing…you need help.  It takes two people.  You’d better pick someone that doesn’t mind seeing your fat ass naked…and won’t laugh.  After all they have to face you and have to see your who-who at close range.  Maybe I should hire “the Bev” to do it.  He hasn’t laughed at “it” yet.  But he hasn’t had to approach me with a condom the size of a boot!  OMG…where is Lani when I need her.  Of course we would have peed in our pants laughing so hard.   Hell, you need to take a nap after you get it on.  It takes everything out of you.  The nurse asked Bill if I had been good and followed Dr. Parker’s instructions.  Before he could answer I told him that if he wanted sex anytime in the near future he would take the 5TH!  He did and she didn’t blame him.  Dr. Parker (alias…”No pain Parker”) said I have to leave the stitches in another week and the start laser therapy.  Then another cast goes on it.  I see my swimming season dwindling down to nothing. 

Planning my day for tomorrow.  You have to plan because it takes so long to do everything.  Our house goes on the market tomorrow….if they call to show it…Bill and I have to gather the dogs up and take off till it shown.  Let’s hope we have some breathing room.  We’ll see.  So, everyone have a great week.  I’ll keep all informed on the progress of home and foot. 

Love and hugs,


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